Oceans of Stars

infected

2011-03-31T22:18:00.000-04:00

I do not read Cosmo

just a glance at the shit filled cover

will give you an eye infection

your lids will swell up from devil pus

the medicine ointment smells worse

you pray you don’t barf when you drip it

onto siren red eyeballs

if I don’t pass out from this funk

I will surely put on my birth control

glasses and wrap myself up in

pages and pages of poetry

don’t care who wrote it

just that it causes cosmic sparks

to explode and soar

inside my tiny heart

maybe the sound of

one girl reading

will cure disease

famine fatigue

and halitosis

no, maybe not

I am a whore

I have bad hair

after a trip to Taco Bell

I want an orgasm

and I want you to leave

so I can sleep it off

*September 2010

crispy sub consciousness

2011-03-31T22:17:00.002-04:00

I remember steamy summer nights

trapped inside the air conditioned

tomb of my bedroom at my parents’

house in the suburbs and I’d take some

Ambien pills to help me sleep only I’d

stay up and type on the computer

not knowing or caring a damn till

the sunlight hit my face around noon

the next day the house would be empty

but I’d find proof of an odd demonic possession

like: tofu pizza with cool whip on a glass dinner

plate next to the bed a white cotton tube sock

next to a bag of stale chips the other sock in my bed

with lacy panties stuffed inside the drawers open the

radio hidden behind magazines my hair sticking out

in all directions like Lady Liberty and not a stitch of

clothing on and whoops- a photo of my boobs enlarged

to show pen doodles was emailed to my ex boyfriend who

I swear was doing beastly things to me in bed

which would explain the state of my room and my person

and the bizarre blogs and text messages but dammit

a woman just knows when her person’s been

toasted and buttered on both sides a la Dali

and his crazy scene in the little amber bottle

*September 2010

Happy Spring!

2011-03-31T22:11:00.001-04:00

which is a cruel irony as much of the Garden State is under a winter storm watch.
but
it is time to redesign this blog and put up new stuff!

Published & Reading

2010-08-20T10:59:00.002-04:00

Kiss Me I Don't Have Smallpox is featured in the latest issue of The Idiom!
Volume 5 Issue 5 August 2010 is available as a free lit mag all over bars and other unlikely places in central NJ. You can find it at The Brighton Bar in Long Branch, NJ.

Ironically, I revised "Kiss Me" and emailed it to The Idiom last night.
Last night I appeared at the Brighton Bar for the monthly poetry show. Publisher didn't notify anyone who was in the zine and he was a bit peeved that I sent him a revision after it was published. I read the revision and I read "Magic". I also took advantage of the time at the podium to explain to the audience how language is alive and breathing and that poems change. When we revisit an image or memory or feeling we can access little word knobs to fine tune it. Often, I change words or add little details to sharpen the poem up. Sometimes I find a poem has 2 different moods or themes and I take it apart and write 2 separate poems. "Kiss Me" felt like two different poems wrestling on the page even though it was all from the same place of memory and feeling. Lately I have been missing everything I experienced last spring and summer and those people and places appear in my work. I just added some details at the end to rejoin the parts.

Go get your self The Idiom. My friend Jenny Blankenship did the cover art. Enjoy some living language.

Magic

2010-08-16T23:00:00.003-04:00

for my man

I love your dirty magic
Spiraling out
in waves of
Delicious heat

smell of sweat
and a forest
shaking off wind
elixir of thunder

Tint of electric
passed between tongues
champagne of meteor
suck of gravity

pounding home of
hearts a carpet
of breath your
dark eyes
perfection a

bare-chested phoenix
of fingertip wish
a many feathered
prayer shining
a welcoming of

bone a hearth
of spirit an
everlasting hymn
for a throne of scars
sending off ripples of pure light

kiss me I don’t have smallpox

2010-08-10T22:07:00.001-04:00

what a strange creature we have running around the yard playing peekaboo with the sun

only one year and four months old today with chipmunk cheeks and your impulsive ways

I remember it well

by these mismatched socks and stretch marks

3 years of conception emails IMs winking smiley faces on Myspace

I longed to hear your heart beat & hold it against my ear

in those cell phone days you were my Knight

brokering deals with a fractured tailfin in a fishbowl

we made vows we can’t undo

we made this strange life in heat and noise,

sweat dripping into the eyes every drop had a pulse that shook

those smoke filled rooms

I don’t care how rich we get

we should spend every summer sleeping on the floor

in this crumbling flat

where we can be the people our parents warned us about

the people the neighbors call the cops on but

only the neighbors have deaf ears

and don’t mind the

crash boom

of two displaced souls

falling down laughing

first draft
August 10,2010

I don't like hospitals

2010-06-20T14:59:00.001-04:00

I wanted someone to listen to me

but I ended up in the hospital with the crazy people

they saw me as a problem not a person

I needed kind ears

I got bullied by pill pushers

I needed warm smiles

I got asked out by the lesbian coke fiend

They put me in AA when I was bone dry

every day they asked for my insurance cards up front

before I had to sign the contract for safety

they heard about my night terrors

and then labeled me an addict

when I asked for a new therapist

I was labeled non compliant

when I took a beach day

I was declared defiant by a judge

who couldn’t even pronounce my name

so I had no choice but to pretend I was crazy

until I could sign myself out

I admitted to being addicted to everything

sex love praise ice cream television shows you name it

I hugged the bipolar alcoholic

and the shoplifting anorexic mother

it was genuine compassion for these women

that got me through the program

but the next time I am over the edge

I’ll keep it inside till I am numb to the slicing

I don’t have friends and I don’t like hospitals

we live in our mind

2010-06-20T14:58:00.001-04:00

we live in our mind

and in our lungs

swirling inside tissues

held together by prehistoric memory

go deeper

sink into glassy nuclei

amoral

eternal

pristine function

away from the lapping

of tension waves

dusky footsteps

that bring harm

sink past energy

beyond the timeless milky way

just be the victor

parting the mists

step over the shattered hourglass

Breathe the first breath

forget the rage and tears

of all humankind

breathe peace

the shaking will stop

avoid exposure to sunlight

2010-06-20T14:57:00.001-04:00

walking down a dirt road
barefoot
freaked out
fucked up
so lost
on a moonless night
somewhere in our marrow
bones know the way
the body is a temple
till its broken into
with smashed eyes we see
our breath is words
so let it out
all the surgeries
the awful drugs
lacerating years
of bad checks
bad blood
free samples
free clinics
sky high tolls
for the miles of highway
endless toxicity
shutting down kidneys
the mind isn't the first to go
in the backseat crying to be negative
give a phony name at the anonymous test
it's building up on the parkway
clumping in your veins
they don't take vicodin just EZ PASS
time to limp home
clinging to the guardrail
feel your way back home
back to bed
and stay there till the check comes

haiku

2009-07-01T16:27:00.001-04:00

last night you kissed me
and said you tasted my blood
i was the hunted

18 June 2009

where the lightning goes

2009-07-01T16:24:00.000-04:00

crashing electric
kisses and those
eyes that spark
in dreams
of the forest
the sound of water
lulls my head into
narcotic twilight
my bones humming
the dazzling blood prickles
under my tongue
delirium of hands
in the pines
metallic lips
cruising up
and down my thigh
the present is a highway
of skin and sky
no international borders
a mirage of branches
hot asphalt and gravel dust
flares of white heat
metallic pines
raging pulse
there is no limit to speed
no visa to enter
this journey of breath
the present is a highway
a thundering gift

words

2009-07-01T16:23:00.001-04:00

i gave away my unfinished poems
line by line
to the boys carried on the wind

I gave away misinformation
and malnourished emotion
for I feared the novel within

I gave away kisses in twilit verse
breathing out letters
when I wanted to breathe it all in

I gave away my tears one night
from a dammed up milky way
when you fed me the words
I knew I forgot how to say

inspiration

2009-04-27T16:44:00.001-04:00

I bring the hunger
dry as paper
you make me thirsty
in silence there’s poetry
as the nights burn away
there’s another chapter
written in my own hand
hold me like home
every sunset bleeding ink
from the edge of our universe

i have to tell you

2009-04-27T16:34:00.000-04:00

I have to tell you
This secret:
I’ve never been to the top of the
Empire state building or WTC
Always wanted to be a blues singer
I pick my nose when I’m driving
And no I didn’t hook up with
Those guys from spring lake

I don’t have night terrors
I don’t drink and I don’t
Play rugby and I will never
Have a time machine (or
A good hair day) but

If you call me
Call me tonight and
Ask me to marry you
I would say yes
If you call me right now
I would say yes
If it’s Vancouver or Montreal or
Portland or just your living room
I would say yes

Parkway

2009-04-27T16:33:00.000-04:00

Wearing someone else’s fingerprints
Feel like I’ve missed my exit
Fumbling for the tokens
Tires screeching to a halt
One hand out the window
Two fingers of whiskey is better
Always going everywhere
With someone else’s hands in my hair
Sniffing fumes on the parkway
Leads to verbal damage
My brains’ below the belt tonight
Passing the Asbury tolls
Got an address on a receipt
From the coffee at the diner
I don’t need your two cents
Just my best Levi’s and a
Tank full of gas
So little time
So many lovers
Rubbing but the magic don’t come off
Classic Buddha boy off the turnpike
Mystic red moon at my side
Nobody rides shotgun
Just a lone woman on a toxic
Parkway night drive

home

2009-04-27T16:31:00.000-04:00

On my knees
Rain streaming down
I’m all alone
Praying for a way home

Hear your voice
I’m unfolded like a
Dimestore map

Open my eyes
You’re all that I see
I’m exactly where
I need to be

You’re my home
My heart and my home
You’re my home
My heart and my home

first poem of the new year

2009-01-19T16:06:00.000-05:00

eject all regrets
wearing the winds
& wisdom charms
braided into my hair
they sparkle with
joy
on a day at sea
this is my vessel
changing colors
with the seasons
all truth and lifelong
knowledge
of bodies
of more than water
wild haired &
glowing
on this batwinged night

silly haiku

2008-11-09T02:36:00.001-05:00

written after taking sleeping pills.

since we're myspace friends
we should shower together
car pics are way hot

*

i hate wearing pants
lunesta pills make me dance
boom ba biddy squish

*

i hate wearing pants
i would gladly pinch your ass
don't let drew tape it

*

i was seriously
shooting off my big mouth
sorry i'm a freak

*

some paper jets rock
and roll my silly socks off
another drink please

11/7/08

meeting at night

2008-11-09T02:34:00.000-05:00

your eyes so green
like empty bottles
you must be part leprechaun or
half alligator
snaking a path
out of downtown

i didn't feel a thing
you charmed me out
of my skin
swallowed me whole
i hope the tiny parasols
didn't hurt on the way down

i don't care if we never hit bottom
there's a pot of gold in your pants

i'm mesmerized by
rainy nights
fruity drinks
full moon geometry
makes this radius radiant

i'll be your night light
and all the rest is moondance

8/22/08

haiku

2008-11-09T02:33:00.000-05:00

I wrote these in July of this year.

when i come over
we make plenty of poems
in words without form

*

breathing in the dark
i love the way you read me
our toes still touching

*

paperback mountains
chapbooks blocking the tv
proof that we exist

in print

2008-11-09T02:29:00.002-05:00

One of my more recent poems made its way into Unquiet Desperation 2.3!

You can download your own copy from the UD website!
http://www.unquietdesperation.co.uk/PresentIssue/UDNJVol2Issue3.pdf

publishing news

2008-11-09T02:27:00.003-05:00

The Idiom anthology is now available for sale on Amazon.com!

Some of my haiku and a short piece entitled "Behind the Dunes" made it in.

You can buy a copy here:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1438257872/ref=cm_cr_rev_prod_img

The Idiom release party will be Saturday November 29 at the world famous Brighton Bar.

published!

2008-08-27T09:54:00.001-04:00

Rain & Remorse are in Eviscerator Heaven #3

Go get your free copy by downloading it from the website-

http://evisceratorheaven.blogspot.com/

kiss under the mistletoe

2008-08-24T10:52:00.002-04:00

your raspberry fountain eyes
press eject and give me the tape

heaven for single girls

2008-08-23T22:08:00.001-04:00

waste away in bed
piles of paperbacks
a cat or two wedged in
hair tickling my shoulders
when I chew on my pen

this is heaven for single girls
all my clothes on the floor
& numbers I’ll never call

news

2008-08-23T22:06:00.001-04:00

Two of my poems will be in Eviscerator Heaven #3. It should be available next week. I also volunteered to co-edit future issues.

backseat conversions

2008-08-04T17:35:00.000-04:00

what were you
before you dropped out
dropped in to
this hell on wheels

don’t mind the
coffee stains on
whispered words
I know your prayers
are not for me;
it’s the heat

we entered into
this covenant
sober and sane
in the mall parking lot
on a weekday

your 8 inches
make me bleed
sharpie ink
on the walls
where the bums
won’t even shuffle

speed words
grace the space
in between the stickers
public toilets are not
for the faithless
so why

do these atheist misfits
rearrange letters
like they always do
finding the sacred
in scared

New works featured in print!

2008-07-24T14:23:00.002-04:00

3 of my poems made their way into Eviscerator Heaven #2!

You can download the zine by going to their blog:

http://evisceratorheaven.blogspot.com/

1 of my poems is in EH #1, also available for download.

the dreamtime

2008-07-12T00:49:00.004-04:00

it's been
three nights
since we last
stripped down
& plugged in
to the hunger

we are united
by this
tangled desire
the scent of your words
burns out my fingers

this is the
lullabye of the dreamtime

when the bareskinned chant ends
you will be fast asleep
i'll be on the other side
divine madness
bubbling in my veins
a sea of ink
waiting

Lady Tiger

2008-07-12T00:44:00.003-04:00

dancing with laughter
summery smells of lost boys
clothe my naked skin

i'd rather be a
dirty barefoot freak
running up the down shoe'd stream

i eat with my hands
then sleep alone in my cave
tigers dream of wind

* * *

Published in Unquiet Desperation 1.17 in 2007.
I had one poem in UD 2.1 and one poem in UD 2.2.
Back issues are available from www.unquietdesperation.co.uk

Revolution

2008-07-09T21:06:00.000-04:00

high gas prices will not keep me from poetry readings
I shall not stay in my home with the windows blacked out
to cower in fear and disgust
maybe the world is ending
but high terror alerts do not ground planes
folks still take their vacations
high gas prices are terrorism
perpetuated by bad government on fun loving Americans
cars have been making us sexy and liberated since
the first Model T rolled off the assembly line
unless you live in your car

the high cost of living will not put a damper on my living
I will not stay in my room texting the only people who make me burn like wildfire
why should we the people be terrorized for owning a motor vehicle?
the show must go on
we must all show up
the life of the party is only in the mix of people
friends, lovers, writers, thinkers, and long haired painters
let us keep on drinking
dancing
smoking
fucking
sketching
let us make enough merriment to power our lives
let us party the way they did before they evacuated Paris in 1940
I want to hear the roar of the people rebelling
a great unwashed sea of everyday people bearing down on lawmakers like Niagra Falls

you are thinking:
we can’t eliminate bad government
we can’t eliminate cars
we can’t eliminate hummers
we can’t make walking sexy

Imagine what good could happen if we harnessed the power of the people
maybe the middle class could shake the tax burden off its backs

you hate the hippies but their spirit was inspiring – NO
it IS inspiring
to those of us not in a money-induced coma

so chose your weapon
chose carefully, every decision is a life or death decision

we can party all night long in our torn jeans mainlining apathy
just to evacuate our responsibility

or we can gather up our pens and paintbrushes
laptops and coffee mugs
Chevys and bicycles
and start the next Great American Revolution

July 6 Poetry Show

2008-07-07T01:48:00.003-04:00

What an amazing poetry show! The best people came out, the energy was positive and we had a blast. New faces were there - always a blessing. Over 20 people read! I was number 6. I read right after Mark, the colorful fellow who runs The Idiom.

Here is what I read:

1- never trust my eyes

2- Sketches of Asbury Park

3- awareness

I love the Brighton Bar. It's my second home, my other happily dysfunctional family. May we have many more great poetry shows.

In other news, The Idiom is going to put out a bound edition of selections from the first 2 volumes. I found out that my poems from the July 2007 issue will be included. That made me super happy. Thanks Mark for all that you do for poetry!

Sketches of Asbury Park

2008-07-05T14:41:00.003-04:00

1.

In the ruins of this city,
the sky is the color of
crushed concrete. Heat
and trash is all that’s left
from the glory days
I claim these throwaway shells as
my home

2.

Hanging the wash out on
napalm mornings
the wind carries stray beach music
gulls cry for no one
on a doormat of twisted steel

3.

A lone figure emerges from
the wreckage
passes the husk of the Casino
and leans against the HoJos
for the lullaby of the waves

4.

The brown and the lined faces of
the folks on the street mix with
crumbling leaves
The outsiders have come to praise demolition
they look at smashed glass and see
shiny dollar signs with parking lots
The Esperanza is a joke
it means hope in Spanish
but it is not for the brown faces
The poor have only their history as their birthright

5.
Madam,
your dreamblue shack is in
my photos, its energy
contrasts with my limp hair
and my tearstained face

a rainy day on the boardwalk is
the answer to all my troubles
the ache in my side tells me there will be more

gasoline eyes burnin bright

2008-06-27T12:21:00.004-04:00

i was never in yr inner circle but you lived in mine
you were never my friend but i was always yours

i'd see you out on the street
i'd follow you with my mix tapes & magazines
i'd always follow you
because that's what i do

you'd look past me
fallen angel
gasoline eyes
you mad poet of the black cat night
you'd ask me for bus fare
like you didn't see me there

oh, i'd follow you out into the street
fallen angel, gasoline eyes
i'd take you home
wrap you up, keep you warm
you'd ask me for bus fare
like you didn't know
i was there

oh fallen angel, i'd always
be the girl to take you home
wrap you up in my arms
i couldn't sleep cuz
you were burnin,
burnin bright

why you gotta go
into the city, why
you gotta play that game

why you gotta shoot for the stars
you'll end up crushed on their points

stay with me fallen angel
gasoline eyes, heroin lies
i may be invisible
but you're always burnin
you burn brighter than the sun to me

words from my diary

2008-06-27T12:19:00.001-04:00

life and death are two sides of the same coin
if you shoot for the stars you'll end up stabbed by their points

*
June 22, 2008

words from friends

2008-06-27T12:15:00.004-04:00

Glory once said, Poetry needs inspiration. A novel needs experience. Scott told me that there are no good poets under thirty.

(thank you. i love you both)
*
June 22, 2008

i'm the girl you can't kill

2008-06-27T12:10:00.003-04:00

watch out.
Invincible

i've been
knocked up
knocked out
left at the altar
burnt by holy water
stabbed in the back
but never the front
i think with my cunt
and
i
just
keep
coming
back

*
written June 22, 2008

words from my diary: follow yr instinct

2008-06-27T12:06:00.004-04:00

I turn to poetry
when my senses
fail to make sense
the writing calms me

------------
June 7, 2008

*

I became a poet because I couldn't trust my eyes. I learned to not trust myself, or any of my senses.

*

I follow my own laws.
I have my own laws.
A woman is an outlaw.

*
-------------
June 19, 2008

words from my diary

2008-06-27T12:03:00.002-04:00

be careful of what you do and say around me, i get knocked up with accidental poetry

be careful with all your interactions, you'll get unplanned poems

and you can't do paternity tests on words

*
June 22, 2008

published

2008-06-27T00:25:00.002-04:00

I recently got a copy of Fabric Staircase Issue #19!
Prof Veil was kind enough to use 2 of my poems! Ragdoll and Forgive Me are on page 15. Great issue guys!!!!

If you need a copy of Fabric Staircase, just talk to any of the Professors.
Or you may write to Fabric Staircase Magazine, PO Box 82, Belmar, NJ 07719

Mark may be using one of my poems in the fall issue of The Idiom. More details coming as soon as I have them.

Summer is now upon us here at the alternate universe known as The Jersey Shore.
Locals Unite! Defend your homeland!

thoughts in June

2008-06-26T14:17:00.000-04:00

I don’t believe in luck
it’s romanticizing the mountains
of time between your ego
and your goal

but hey I’m just a girl
who makes magic
in her sleep, another
penniless poet with
the music of the street

our bed is an island

2008-06-25T00:11:00.001-04:00

our bed is an island
of love; No, it will be
a continent wet from
passions & toe curling
screaming that you can
pound out like earthquakes
oh if love be a river, ours
shall jump its banks and
unite all nations
all natives all colors
shall be mixed up and
shaken and stirred and
drunk like a tonic

we shall secede from
any country that tries to
define us deface us
declare us make us
one big round head
of emptiness
our bed is not an island
but a continental lab
for these experiments
in love and in touch
a field levelled by
these hurricanes of
other eyeslipsbreath
bubbling in our blood

words from my journal

2008-06-22T19:02:00.000-04:00

our differences
shall overcome us
make us worshippers
of a new whole of us

May/June 2008

headache poems

2008-06-22T18:58:00.000-04:00

#1

i know i am sick again
craving
tapioca pudding
a foot rub
and elegant words
by Dead French Men

#2

goddamn this headache
all the coldfire running down
my neck in shivers in quivers
in a quiver full of lightning
like the razorblades of morning
the shocking blue sky just a
reflection
of my delirium eyes
a token
from those
early to bed nights
wtf motrin, wtf aspirin
numb the stabbing
the superfluous leaking
of all my insides
I’ve been bleeding words
since I met a new guy.

inked

2008-06-22T18:09:00.006-04:00

I love ink and all of its forms. I love poems. I love prose. I love novels. I love newsprint. I love antique typewriters. I love witty blogs. I love it when my fingers are stained the same hue as the midnight sky from all my insomniac writing. Ink is madness, it is the purest form of love, it is my true self. I am a tattooed writer. I am not the only one. Dorothy Parker had a star tattooed near her elbow.

This is my haiku tattoo. It is not my first and it won't be my last.

Love Haiku by Sonia Sanchez
http://www.poets.org/poet.php/prmPID/276
Ink by Pat at White Lotus Tattoo
http://www.whitelotustattoos.com/

published again

2008-06-22T18:05:00.002-04:00

My poem Little Miss was published in Eviscerator Heaven #1. The editor A. J. Kaufmann has been kind enough to make public a downloadable pdf.

http://evisceratorheaven.blogspot.com/

I am thrilled to be in the same pages with my poetry idols Rob Plath & Misti Rainwater-Lites.

awareness

2008-06-22T18:04:00.001-04:00

into this world girls are born

daily wet naked and

wailing and the doctors

slap you on the ass and they

silence you with a nipple

it is the first and last time

a girl is to be heard loud

and clear with defiance

in those aching lungs

if you have seen me it

is not enough if you

push in and pull out

my shrieking will stop

time i have come into

this world, i have

come i have come

remorse

2008-06-18T09:19:00.001-04:00

i spend my days collecting
your shadows and i
arrange them on the bed
trying to find your scent
the only shred of you
i have left

i spend my evenings wailing
into the dark i
have numbered all of
my errors, i have labeled
all of my sorrows

thoughts from my journal

2008-06-14T19:40:00.002-04:00

If love is sacrifice
why does a woman get tossed into
the volcano every night?
Just because it's common practice
doesn't make it right.

March 2008

quotes from my journal

2008-06-14T19:21:00.003-04:00

I've never been unfaithful to anyone but myself.
January 2008

*

My heart is like the corner bar, always open and always full of friends.
Spring/Summer 2007

*

In the soundtrack of our lives, the best songs are short and sweet.
Spring/Summer 2007

*

Every woman is her own universe perfect and whole.
February 2008

*

I am a love letter to the world.
February 2008

*

Every storyteller will break my heart.
February 2008

*

In the city by the sea, every angel has a devil's heart and every sinner earns his wings.
March 2008

*

the most radical revolution in the world is acceptance.
March 2008

morning

2008-06-14T18:58:00.001-04:00

one night stands are divine
its yr last chance to get it right

i wake up in the valley of
the bottlecaps in the
shadow of an overflowing ashtray

why was i praying & what was his name

i go home to sleep it off
a blue hood over my knotted hair
the world is full of broken souls
and i am just one mother mary

paranoia ride

2008-06-14T18:38:00.000-04:00

when you're all alone on the streets
& everyone you've loved is gone
& blackness wells up before your eyes
till you're soaked in dirty water
the wraith comes to try to steal your mind
so you smoke your last joint even though
it makes you paranoid
soon you're stumbling around downtown
with your coat unbuttoned
& you flap flap flap flap all the way
to the subway & you take it to the fuzzheaded
end & there's ants walking on your arms so you
brush them off & you're running
right into the arms of the man
who fathered your misery
you don't want to get knocked up again
so he fucks you in the ass
but it's not the saintly hipster moment
you envisioned

and you're all alone
facing nowhere new jersey
without a subway token
and the worst part is,
you don't have a joint to your name.

the morning after

2008-06-14T18:28:00.000-04:00

your fingers left haloed moons
on my thighs

constellations of night colored stars
seeped thru my flesh

i bit my lips to swallow all my screams
the night you tasted the heat of distant galaxies

Au Revoir

2008-06-13T23:38:00.005-04:00

there is a rock
beside a lake
deep within the forest

Violette and i would meet there
for our daily walk
down dirt trails
we always returned laughing
with feathers in our hair

one night we said good-bye
Au Revoir till next summer
the loons were crying
i was crying when
she kissed me
the loons cry forever

stolen love life

2008-06-13T23:23:00.002-04:00

i've got nothing to hold on to,
nothing left to give away

could we just go for a walk
the rain will cover our footprints
the wind will take our confession

i'm done crying
about the things i've done
but i miss the way you looked at me
before you turned out the light

could we just go for a walk
the rain will cover our footprints
the wind will take our confession

i'm done burning
old clothes and letters
we cut our hair
but they'll never find a body

could you just come meet me
quick as the twist of the knife
i want one last look around
there can't be any witnesses
as i quit
this stolen love life

First Date

2008-06-13T23:19:00.003-04:00

The short version, read at the Brighton Bar June 2007

he liked my pic
on the myspace group
so he was at my apartment
in under three hours

I let him inside
he said he was a computer engineer
but his profile said
heavy metal guitar god

he called me cute
I don't know why
but I kissed him
we made like awkward bananas

it was the sudden peel
the mash and grind
we made sticky pulp
from bruised fruit

now every time i read
heavy metal guitar god
i think rotten banana
and split

haiku

2008-06-13T23:19:00.001-04:00

he was a fine man
i brought him home one fine day
a fine mess he left

never trust my eyes

2008-06-07T18:32:00.003-04:00

breathe in
breathe out
run my fingers through my hair
over the wooden furniture
along the dusty windowsill

the skeletons in my closet
are always fresh
time comes at me
from all directions
to set the trap

my beating heart swells
the room turns dull gray
i’m the prey caught like
the roar of the sea
in your ear

breathe in
breathe out
a stray wind
blows up my skirt
heavy steps pound
on the stairs

these visions appear
from movement
and are nurtured by
malformed panic
quiet days turn to
acid under my tongue

In Print

2008-06-05T19:46:00.005-04:00

One of my short, untitled pieces is in Unquiet Desperation #2.2. You can download the zine in Pdf by clicking on this link:

http://unquietdesperation.co.uk/index.php?PHPSESSID=840bf677c06d3dc5a87a28658f54e2b4&topic=60.0

I'm currently working on new poems & enjoying the weather.

love is like water

2008-06-03T08:09:00.003-04:00

“What makes the desert beautiful is that somewhere it hides a well”

From The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint Exupery

I told you love is like water
and you asked me if I
forgot to eat today
you felt my burning cheeks

water is like love & love
is the most precious
liquid to those wandering
post apocalyptic America
in search of a well

we are all searching for that well
for that sweet relief in this
urban wasteland of cracked concrete
among the exit signs & broken
glass & blowing trash

I’ve had restless feet
for as along as I can remember
hoping to discover some blessing
with just my instinct, my thirst

when I tell you love is like water
I mean I got off the street
to fall into your wonderfulness
I came here for you & your
wet watery love always saves my life

Little Miss

2008-06-03T08:07:00.001-04:00

standing over the kitchen sink
slupring milky hazelnut coffee
trying to understand why
I keep buying bras and
black stockings pink thongs
lipstick and powder and
little nightie things with
underwire support
cowboy boots & glitter
popping lights
when I take one handed
pics with my silver Sony
and hope for a shot
with a smile and cleavage
for the singles bars
of the seedy cyber net dot coms
but all I get are
half closed eyes
gray hairs and
chipped teeth
dark moons around
my eyes from allergies
and insomniac typing
hell, I’m too old to
be playing at some
world wide web-Lolita
with these shitty accessories
that just end up twisted
on the floor in my wake
but unless fuck buddies quit
taking the bait I will keep
on speeding ahead as
little miss hottie

rain

2008-06-03T08:06:00.000-04:00

you came in on clouds
eyes like lightning
voice like thunder

i lay there like
humming black earth
luminescent damp secret

leaves upturned at
your smell; loosening
a reflex

eyes closed in wind
i rolled over
it's so easy to give

away give in
soil and fog
bite my lip

submit to spread
your face in my mind
i made it rain

fragments from a rainy morning

2008-05-13T21:01:00.001-04:00

i am the girl who fell from the stars
and i am the one
who sleeps on silver sands
the secret to this life
is you must be naked
pure listening skin
quiet eyes

*

stand at the edge
knee deep in life
let the world wash over
your skin
every wave is a poem
is a gift
that shivers
in our golden hands
take these rocky pools
and sawgrass & everything
inbetween

*

i am always alone
lips and tits
naked fingers
on the fringe
listening quietly
the sirens speak through me
i am awake on silver sands
i make magic with these hands
take the days gone sour
and bend the night to silver

in motion

2008-05-13T20:54:00.001-04:00

I am the girl outside in the rain
spinning circles on the hilltop

everyone calls me crazy
but they don’t have what I got

they live in store-bought cages
they are slaves to their wealth

I have the freedom to be myself

I don’t have a husband or a home
I pass from friend to friend
the conversation keeps me warm

I have the freedom to be myself

I am spinning circles on the hill
I smell the sea & I hear the trains
it’s time to go

a girl in motion never stops
a girl in motion never stops

In My Shoes

2008-05-13T20:52:00.001-04:00

I woke up excited to wear cute new shoes
graded thirty five homework assignments
wiped seventeen noses
administered hand sanitizer & positive feedback
hugged a student that wasn’t even mine
fielded phone calls from irate parents
ducked into the mens’ room to avoid the principal
rearranged my testing schedule around an in-service
delivered a freshly burnt cd to a freak friend
overpaid for groceries
overpaid for gasoline
prayed to the god of oil changes
struggled to write a book
quit trying to write a book
took up peppermint tea
fantasized about being eighteen again
slammed the door on my finger
lost the urge to scream
overcooked my gluten free vegetarian dinner
forgot to iron my clothes
washed the blood from my size ten feet
rubbed first aid gunk on my oozing toes
gave up on cute shoes for good
and I wrote this poem

2008-05-08T17:03:00.004-04:00

i am
the ugly duckling
that
never
turned
into
a
swan

i smash
all the mirrors
and
keep
moving
on

the city

2008-05-06T19:24:00.001-04:00

the city
is a poem
burning
in yr palms

the city
is a poem
begging
to be written

fragment

2008-05-06T19:23:00.000-04:00

i am the sword
remembering the fire

i am the dead
dreaming of battle

scar

2008-04-25T23:33:00.000-04:00

We made maps of each other
in the dark with
slow eyes & hands that burn

Behind the dunes
above the waves
we made love
some kind of light
to read the indelible ink
in each others' broken souls

Juno Was Wrong

2008-04-25T23:16:00.002-04:00

all the hamburger phones & wonky slang
in the world can't silence the screaming
in yr head when yr peeing on a stick
in the bathroom

in the suburbs
we were old enough to drive
but not to buy beer
our chubby bodies went
bonehard at the thought
of an accident

the sound of you crying
on the phone cut through the
godawful din in my mind
from the next state

you fell apart & i didn't mind
saying i needed the abortion
but i was petrified of an
entire summer of nothing
but handholding.

2008-04-25T23:16:00.001-04:00

i work in a school
K thru 5
because it is the only
place left in America
that doesn't drug-test

the irony is drier than
my lips after a late night
coffee binge since my
pee has always been cleaner
than tap water

but after months of
coming face to face with
other peoples' children
i swear i must be on something
cuz when the brat in

seventh period insists
that he is the jedi master
and that wed and led are
the same as red
i simply nod because i believe him.

Haiku from March

2008-04-25T23:10:00.001-04:00

I.
i am the youngest daughter
living in the pines
shy blossom of fog

II.
gentle rain on 9
half price wares in the backseat
flat broke till friday

III.
nondairy pudding
sugarfree chocolate mints
some diet i'm on

IV.
Sal & Dean know where
i live in the rabid haze
of this March evening

new year's eve

2008-04-25T23:09:00.000-04:00

i followed him up the stairs
a drink in both hands
my dress radiant & swishing
under which i never wore panties
because i was sick of losing them
at parties like this, parties in
the dead of winter where strangers
flash a phony smile like cracked glass
& someone always wakes up
on the floor in springtime
with a bright bit of cloth
wadded up behind their knees
curious rosebuds spilling perfume
from the ghost senorita who
dropped them on new year’s eve.

Just To Break My Heart

2008-03-25T12:31:00.001-04:00

i always fall for the guy on the sidewalk,
the one who is checking his phone all alone
or twisting his keychain in his hands
past midnight in frosty air

he looks like he's got a story for
every night of the year, a heartbroken
tale in every drop of ink on his arms
(or in the pages tucked into his armpit)

and my ears pine for every word,
every damn word
my eyes close & my heart opens
traffic lights silent
after the last package goods store has closed up
my pulse rages on from this mysterious liquor

i am a lock for every key
fashioned from every hurt
whether handmade scars or
inkblot pictures
whatever of their war stories
that seep through my pores

every storyteller fits just right
every tale will unloosen my tears
the quiet streets don't have
a spell to cast, it's in
my nature for being caught
in a swoon

only a bad man idles on the street after midnight,
and they all do just to break my heart

2-25-08

Published again!

2008-03-25T12:25:00.004-04:00

My poem from February, "Just To Break My Heart", was published in the new issue of Unquiet Desperation. You can download the Pdf of Issue 2.1 and past issues by going to this link:

http://www.unquietdesperation.co.uk/

I chickened out and did not read it at the Brighton Bar's March poetry show. I read "Whole" and "I Want To Wake Up" and "Scar."

I'm an Outsider Writer

2008-01-02T00:58:00.000-05:00

My poem "Addiction" is on the Guild of Outsider Writers

http://www.outsiderwriters.org/content/view/525/32/

whole

2007-12-27T17:48:00.000-05:00

in this broken world
you're the first to come
you're the last to go
i shut my eyes
words fail what i know
i shut my eyes
and i breathe you

i breathe you
so close
i can feel your hands
so close
the world becomes
whole

i want to wake up

2007-12-27T17:47:00.001-05:00

i want to wake up
on the floor
amid the
unpaid bills & gas receipts

i want to wake up
with yr eyelashes
fluttering against my cheek
always yr breath on my neck

i want to wake up
in yr smell
with yr tattooed arms
coiled around my chest

i want to wake up
shielded by yr scales
in the last moment
before the apple fell.

bittersweet revenge

2007-12-27T17:45:00.003-05:00

i'm not sorry i disappeared
spring was late
we didn't have the money
to go
to mexico

contentment lies
on a bare mattress
reading the graffiti
over someone else's shoulder
words so washed out
the more they come
the more i fade away

under the bare lightbulb
they keep coming

fragment

2007-12-27T17:44:00.000-05:00

drunk on the miracle of you
i danced all night
sweat rolling off
naked thighs

haiku

2007-12-27T17:43:00.000-05:00

i hear yr smell
climbing the stairs
the echoes
of my ink rising

haiku

2007-12-27T17:42:00.000-05:00

the smell of you
fading into twilight
i wrap myself
in yr words

my brother

2007-12-27T17:40:00.000-05:00

every time he says
i love you
i start crying
why did he hafta wait
till now- when i'm chemically chained
into a bed nine stories high?
i'm not still his baby sister,
am i ?

from a hospital bed

2007-12-27T17:38:00.000-05:00

i've got a living will
nausea relief for
the pain relief
one cup of ice chips
and one hella nice
view of philly tonight
all the rest is fuzzy
from the ether of the underworld

garage wisdom

2007-11-12T22:33:00.000-05:00

back in the day you could hold a car together

with chewing gum duct tape

and a few jabs of a screwdriver
a relationship was held together
with hope and prayer
whenever something reached its breaking point
and snapped
your favorite patch was easily applied

cars are easier to fix than people,

I learned that from my Dad

bent over under the hood of a Ford
or my own tomato red Dodge
you can doctor an American car yourself but
a bad boyfriend, just junk it ASAP

i’ve dinged and dented so many bodies

in all the miles of highway I drove

give me a yard of sparkling silver tape

it will do wonders to reattach the rear bumper

but it can’t fix the jealous boyfriend

who has thrown all your stuff onto the lawn

but then neither can hope
some folks are just rubbed so raw there’s no connection left
and no screws left to hold it all in
prayer does not work because God
does not come down out of the clouds to hold back the fists

some girls learn the hard way that miracles don’t happen
your broken things can only be fixed by your hands

so before you shoot up the parkway
better have self reliance at the wheel

keep the boys at arms’ length

make them pay tolls and gas
just don’t forget to take some duct tape chewing gum
and a ninety nine cent screwdriver from Dad’s garage.

the bottomless well of longing

2007-11-12T22:12:00.000-05:00

walking home

beneath a moonless sky

head down

solitary confinement

in the prison of my mind

there is a well of longing

spiraling thru the wetness

deep into my core

not unlike kisses

that felt like rainwater

burnt out trails

from your hands on mine

the liquid whispers

in my ear

wanting your heat

on a windy night

the wind carries me back

to the well of longing

the taste of water

is your taste

the scent of emptiness

is your scent

I tiptoe in circles

thru the pines

I’m a stranger

to straight lines

I say your name

backwards

three times

but nothing happens

my charms worked

once so very long ago

not drunk

on rumcokes

your hands in

my hair

your chest on my chest

forever in an eyelashblink

all cheeks

and curves

we hollowed out

bosc pears

with golden tongues

we fit inside

beckoning green apples

we tunneled thru

ripe mangoes

all curves &

skinless

dripping juicy

bits of flesh

purple grape bruises

in shadows

the smell of

crashing waves

came off the leaves

diamondskinned pomegranate

breathing down my neck

leaving the mark

of a man

no olive tree can compare

to he who falls into

my well of longing

leaving sticky memories

at the speed of light

I’m no witch

I stopped chanting

still I wander

thru the pines

your name

hidden under my tongue

I wish to never conjure

a golem to take your place

daylight is shrinking

like dried apricots

my flesh tremors in the

endless night

I need you to return

your flesh to me

holy water sprinkled

at my door

burning sage

in every room

pearskinned

longing

black cherry

devotions

reclining limes

your hands on

my hands

you once found

the wishing well

the font

that waters

all secret gardens

end the burning hunger

follow me home

again

stay a while

to refill

my bottomless

well of longing

the moth and the flame

2007-10-15T00:41:00.000-04:00

I was the moth
and you were the flame
I was the light eyed girl
and you were the devil

you burnt my hands
you burnt my feet
you burnt my tongue
so I couldn't speak

you lured me in
with those hypnotic eyes
dark and rich
espresso with cream
you caught me with
your wildfire laugh
and your wicked
sense of humor

you tore off
my white dress
you singed my hair
you left stains
of soot and
the ash seeped through
my fair skin
I felt my wings
turn into smoke
and through it all
your mouth was honey
your words melted
like spun sugar

in the furnace
the final tremors
then I fell into a trance
we lived together
for many years
you tricks worked
like a charm
I was half alive
but mostly dead
under the shadow
of the king of hell

I offered you up
the moonlit sky
and dared to make you
the captain of my ship of stars
we could take one night
and make it last forever
the sweetness to nourish the soul
you broke every promise
for there is no honor in evil
instead you caught me
with burning sugar lies
and crowned me
the prisoner-queen of hell

I was the moth
and you were the flame
you laughed while I burnt alive

April 2007

seaside heights

2007-10-10T11:19:00.000-04:00

tonight the rain came down
like glitter from a twisting machine in the sky
the roar behind us
was from the waves
smashing into the sand
i was feeling hopeless
or else i would have asked you to dance

October 10, 2007

haiku on grief, loss

2007-10-10T11:16:00.000-04:00

the smell of you
has the weight of oranges
built up in pyramids

my tongue turns to
accommodate the length of you
that never arrives

i can hear you
turn over in a dream
but your pillow remains cold

tasting ashes of yesterday
where once the flesh
was sweeter than life

October 10, 2007

addiction

2007-10-10T01:13:00.000-04:00

i keep my eyes shut &
my heart open
to catch moving pictures on my skin

when i wake up in a haze
must record all the scents from the dream
that left its teeth in me

i bow my head and take communion at rock shows
pressed elbow to shoulder with strangers
i'll never know

close my eyes & drink up more
atmosphere
recording stories in the tips of my hair
catching pieces of the present
with extra special senses

i make confession in the streets
with open palms to catch
the spring rain
it’s bitter but my tongue
still finds hope

i can smell yr voice
burning up on the horizon
if you let me stand next to you
can i inhale yr magic?

if yr perfect fingers find me
under all the crazy noise
can i paint yr picture
to prove it was real?

i'm just a receiver in a
starry night colored dress
i disappear into twilight
to feed my hunger
i must record every sensation
& color in every drop of life
the universe is transmitting

i crave the storied hues
of you and me
when we make a connection
it's this lust for life
that's my addiction

September 2007

no regrets about the present

2007-10-10T01:07:00.000-04:00

I don’t regret that the only thing we have to give is ourselves

in this dark world

treasure every exchange of fleshy gifts

heartfelt honesty

ripens the fruit of dreams

I’ve always relied on

the affection of transients

finding sweet hash of the lord in strangers

interstate highway

through buffalo bones

Whitman’s ghost waters the soil

gifting travelers with a whisper of kindness

from West End to Frisco

in tonight’s marbled arms

fever dreams of Jack and Neal

keep my eternal flame alive.

April 2007

figure of speech

2007-10-10T01:06:00.001-04:00

I've never been able to keep a secret
or speak the whole truth
or tell a lie, not even a little white one.

I've never held my tongue
or put my own foot in my mouth
or minded my manners.

I've never seen the light
at the end of the tunnel,
not even the light of day.

But I like to sleep in
like a lady of leisure
Rise after dark
to paint my face
then varnish over the aches
Wishing & hoping
to find my knight in shining armor
in the sordid haze at the rock show.

Spring 2007

chicks like me

2007-10-10T01:02:00.000-04:00

chicks like me don't spoil
when we're left out in the sun

we don't expire
because you've tossed us out

maybe we do go down easy peasy
down the mine shaft we designed

hitting rock bottom is bliss

i've made a home in silence
underneath
the city of gluttons
hungering for eachothers' lies.

April 2007

winter sunday

2007-10-10T01:01:00.002-04:00

at half past noon
i put the kettle on
still wearing your shirt

you're searching for cream
with faded X's on your right hand

our bare feet are dumb
stepping over the cracks

milky sunlight nudges smiles
from shy academic types

surprise
we've passed the examination

my hair is smooth from your perfect fingers
you look like you ran five miles through hail

April 2007

route 18

2007-10-10T01:01:00.001-04:00

it's 1:21 am
silvery white dashes
green squares telling me where to go
fluttering tail lights zipping across two lanes
upside down sedan smoking on the median
you hugged me
wish i was a better listener.

April 2007

fragment of 'one year in hell'

2007-10-10T00:50:00.000-04:00

my mind is unraveling for the second time this year-

all i smell is gunpowder and piss and baby powder

from the downstairs bath where the bullets always

fly at me like gnats because I’m the biggest liar

hulking on the tile behind the locked door-

i smell cigar smoke and hear bombs falling

and i vaguely remember my neighbors pulling me out of the trees

in my sweat soaked pajamas

fully dilated pupils

heart racing to find my twin sister

(to this day i refuse to believe she's gone)

with the sky gone red from the fires.

December 2006

There's a miracle asleep inside yr chest

2007-10-10T00:48:00.000-04:00

There’s a miracle asleep inside yr chest

I wake up and watch over you,

Time

trickles

down

drops

water

yr asleep down deep where the horrors of the day

can’t ever find you, I feel them outside these four walls

there’s a miracle inside yr chest that’s delicate like new leaves

curled around and around themselves like the nautilus

you walk hunched over with yr eyes staring at the pavement

& both fists mashed into yr pockets trailing thunderclouds

I won’t tell anyone I was here;

I leave notes that my friendship is stronger than shell

more flexible than skin-

we’re bigger and better than storms

even as we lie here naked like seedlings

more delicate than wishes

Car alarms and citybound trains punctuate my thoughts so carelessly

December 2006

Daydreamer

2007-10-10T00:46:00.000-04:00

I.
I like to lie on the carpet naked
in a rectangle of honey gold
sent forth from Ra to melt
the dreariness of winter that
did seal my bones in ice.

II.
I like to lie on the carpet naked
on an island of steamy liquid
pouring out of heaven's embrace
& with lips closed
I fall into a haze
of You & the first
kiss. Serpents
of steam shudder
& rise up to dance
in circles with the
ivory curtains.

The window's the warden
of April catnaps.

April 2006

untitled

2007-10-10T00:44:00.000-04:00

I hate one night stands-

They fill me with grief;

I fall in love with the hunger

When there’s nothing to eat.

December 2006

Bitches

2007-09-29T00:39:00.002-04:00

I met Bitch at Jersey Pride on June 3, 2007. She is one of my greatest heros ever. Her writing and her songs are amazing. They really come to life at her live shows. The humor and life rushing out of this woman inspires everyone around her. I feel empowered listening to her cd's. She inspires me to find my voice and use it. She's unstoppable! I drove home in the pouring rain smiling so big I thought my face would crack. I texted a few friends to say my life was complete and I could die HAPPY!

Bitch on the web:
http://bitchmusic.com/

Bitch played herself in the film Shortbus:
http://www.shortbusthemovie.com/
You can watch the trailer on Youtube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H8A1dwEhSMY